When I first started my draft it was about how technology is effecting my generation and destroying our culture. I stated that technology is so integrated into our daily routine we can not imagine an existence without it. I started with broad subjects for each paragraph and then was able to add more specific detailed examples. I also wrote my first draft in pen on a line sheet of paper, because I didn't have any internet connection at my house, but it really enriched my writing. It made me remember what it was like to actually write. I also started my paper with some harsh feelings about technology but after further exploration my feelings calmed a bit.
Through my paper I tried to use an example of a colt to relate to our current situation. In all my mentor texts that I liked I noticed they used other examples that are relate-able.
The most helpful feedback given to me was 'What is your point for this piece?'. This question made me really think about my piece. I felt like I was just bringing up information that is obvious, and that it made me realize that I have to aim this article to people in my generation. The points I bring up only really effects what we are going through, and the fears I know we are going to face. However, this question made me realize that I can't change the world through my article, but I can help people remember.
In order to make my piece awesome I would really like some help formatting and what ideas I should expand on.